Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
