I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
