Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
