see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
