she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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