I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
