drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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