Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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