You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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