I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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