my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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