Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
