Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
