The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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