so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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