Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
