By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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