You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
