are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
