It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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