I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
