I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
