I'm going to jail i love you
This girl is more easily done than said...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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