I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize