she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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