One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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