I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize