Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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