the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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