I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
