Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
