You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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