she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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