looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
