she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
