So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
