Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
