He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
