Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
