you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Randomize
