So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
