I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
