Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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