I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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