I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I will be naked everywhere
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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