just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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