so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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