i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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