I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
