If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
