the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
