A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
