Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Say something about gay babies.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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