that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
