I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
honey bunches of taint.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
