I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
