I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
love makes seman taste better
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
