There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
