so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
