I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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