So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
