LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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