but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
