East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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