Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
