Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
