Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
