Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
