Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
