i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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