just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need a beard to bite.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize