Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
