I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
