I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
