walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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