a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
