You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
