My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize