just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We are all done wearing pants today
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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