Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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