Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
