So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
