my vag is so smooth its legendary
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm too high and old for this...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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