Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I need a burrito and a hug.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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